I have decided I am a successful failure.
I fail at being a good daughter. I love my parents, don't get me wrong, but, I have never quite measured up to their expectations. Straight 'A's in school were met with "that's good but maybe you could try a little harder and get 'A+s". ( seriously) Friends never were quite what they wanted for me and boys?, don't get me started. I was the typical rebellious teen and in some ways have yet to outgrow that. In fact, I am sitting here writing this while enjoying a coffee with brandy. Sorry Mom, yes I know I have diabetes and shouldn't drink......
I have failed at being a Mother. I never spoke baby talk to my children. I took them out to see houses that had burned down so they wouldn't play with matches. We went to cemeteries to see who could find the oldest headstone so they wouldn't fear them. I didn't cry when they started school. I am not experiencing any 'empty nest syndrome' now that they have both moved into their own places. I miss them (sometimes, but my aim is improving!). I am not at all upset by the passing of time, but, rather excited for them that they get to start their own adventures.
I also failed at my chosen career. After spending eleven years with some of the best people in the world I am now 'damaged goods'. I can no longer do what I trained and fought for. The time I did get to spend doing it was some of the best and worst of my life. I, however, have no regrets. I would not change a thing. I cared too much and that was my undoing, but, that's who I am.
I figure you have a choice in life. You can spend everyday watching over your shoulder waiting for someone or something to stab you in the back. Or, you can just decide to make the best of what life throws at you and be happy. I choose to laugh, be happy, take what I am given and make the best of it. Life is great if you want it to be!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
the grass is always in need of a haircut
The events of the last few days have made me think I need to spend more time and effort appreciating the things I have. I know how lucky I am to have the most wonderful, supportive spouse ever. IMG is nothing short of fantastic when it comes to helping me through the problems I have been dealing with. My kids are, for the most part, pretty fantastic too!
I have the best friends in the world. They have been here for me through all the bad times and understand the way I have been for the last while is not permanent and that I will work through this lovely thing they call PTSD. My network is nothing short of phenomenal.
But, sadly, I must admit I have sorely neglected thanking the one thing that has really helped with restoring my sanity.
My backyard.
Yup. my grass.
And all the other things that go with it.
When we bought this house my children only knew that places to play were called parks. After we moved in and our oldest was allowed to go out back and play on her own swing set all she could ask was when she could go back! It made all the work on this place worth it.
My yard has seen lots of changes over the last 17 years. It has seen above ground pools that went from 15 inches deep to 15 feet in diameter. Ice rinks for winter fun. It has seen vegetable gardens and weed infestations. Old falling down sheds have been replaced with newer and more eco friendly ones.
The grass was replaced with new sod only to have a former neighbour destroy it and then more seed had to be spread until it looked healthy again.
The play swing was replaced with a lovely wooden one I built myself. The deck and patio have changed.
Not every yard has a water feature in a tree! Or 6 foot tall metal flowers.
My backyard has been the location of many a crazy party. Not everyone warns people not to wear white on their invitations. (Can you say HUGE water fights?)
But the most important feature of my little piece of paradise is the comfort and relaxation it provides. It has been there for me in more ways than most people. When I had big calls at work and needed somewhere to go to calm down it was always there. When I wake up in the early morning it awaits me and my first coffee to watch the sun rise. In the middle of the night when I can't sleep it's there again. Warm weather family functions seem to always occur here.
So think of someone or something you have that's important to you and go and say thanks.
You will have to excuse me now I must talk to my grass.
I have the best friends in the world. They have been here for me through all the bad times and understand the way I have been for the last while is not permanent and that I will work through this lovely thing they call PTSD. My network is nothing short of phenomenal.
But, sadly, I must admit I have sorely neglected thanking the one thing that has really helped with restoring my sanity.
My backyard.
Yup. my grass.
And all the other things that go with it.
When we bought this house my children only knew that places to play were called parks. After we moved in and our oldest was allowed to go out back and play on her own swing set all she could ask was when she could go back! It made all the work on this place worth it.
My yard has seen lots of changes over the last 17 years. It has seen above ground pools that went from 15 inches deep to 15 feet in diameter. Ice rinks for winter fun. It has seen vegetable gardens and weed infestations. Old falling down sheds have been replaced with newer and more eco friendly ones.
The grass was replaced with new sod only to have a former neighbour destroy it and then more seed had to be spread until it looked healthy again.
The play swing was replaced with a lovely wooden one I built myself. The deck and patio have changed.
Not every yard has a water feature in a tree! Or 6 foot tall metal flowers.
My backyard has been the location of many a crazy party. Not everyone warns people not to wear white on their invitations. (Can you say HUGE water fights?)
But the most important feature of my little piece of paradise is the comfort and relaxation it provides. It has been there for me in more ways than most people. When I had big calls at work and needed somewhere to go to calm down it was always there. When I wake up in the early morning it awaits me and my first coffee to watch the sun rise. In the middle of the night when I can't sleep it's there again. Warm weather family functions seem to always occur here.
So think of someone or something you have that's important to you and go and say thanks.
You will have to excuse me now I must talk to my grass.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
for the HPS
Nowhere is it more apparent that one or two bad apples can taint an entire bushel than in a Police Force.
The public, as influenced by the media, seem to be very quick to judge and dismiss all as corrupt and untrustworthy because of the actions of a few.
I was brought up in a generation that was taught to respect and honour our heroes, be they military or emergency service workers. We never would have thought about calling for help for anything less than a true emergency. We always pull over to the side of the road to allow safe passage for their vehicles when they are responding to an emergency. If we get caught speeding or not wearing our seat belts we take our lumps and don't refer to the officer by some nasty, condescending name. Our children have never heard us badmouth them and have been taught to show the same respect we expect them to show everyone, including themselves.
I think it is time that the public understands that all emergency service and military personnel are HUMAN. Some of them make mistakes. Some of them are not worthy of the job or the respect. But the number is so small. The majority of these people get out of bed and go to work because they want to make a difference. They want to help someone in their time of need. They want to be the voice of reason at an unreasonable time. They devote an unbelievable amount of their own time to quietly doing things behind the scene that the public seldom hears about. They do a lot of charitable work. They don't do these things for recognition. They do it out of a genuine care for their fellow human beings.
It causes me no end of distress to see when one of them fails and lets down the rest of the group, causing embarrassment. It causes me even more pain when I read the snide comments people feel free to make about these people while hiding behind an anonymous screen name. These are jobs most of us are not equipped to even try to perform, never mind judge.
To the honourable and deserving members of the Hamilton Police Force I say 'keep your heads up and keep up the wonderful job you do"
you are truly heroes
The public, as influenced by the media, seem to be very quick to judge and dismiss all as corrupt and untrustworthy because of the actions of a few.
I was brought up in a generation that was taught to respect and honour our heroes, be they military or emergency service workers. We never would have thought about calling for help for anything less than a true emergency. We always pull over to the side of the road to allow safe passage for their vehicles when they are responding to an emergency. If we get caught speeding or not wearing our seat belts we take our lumps and don't refer to the officer by some nasty, condescending name. Our children have never heard us badmouth them and have been taught to show the same respect we expect them to show everyone, including themselves.
I think it is time that the public understands that all emergency service and military personnel are HUMAN. Some of them make mistakes. Some of them are not worthy of the job or the respect. But the number is so small. The majority of these people get out of bed and go to work because they want to make a difference. They want to help someone in their time of need. They want to be the voice of reason at an unreasonable time. They devote an unbelievable amount of their own time to quietly doing things behind the scene that the public seldom hears about. They do a lot of charitable work. They don't do these things for recognition. They do it out of a genuine care for their fellow human beings.
It causes me no end of distress to see when one of them fails and lets down the rest of the group, causing embarrassment. It causes me even more pain when I read the snide comments people feel free to make about these people while hiding behind an anonymous screen name. These are jobs most of us are not equipped to even try to perform, never mind judge.
To the honourable and deserving members of the Hamilton Police Force I say 'keep your heads up and keep up the wonderful job you do"
you are truly heroes
Monday, May 16, 2011
10-7
There is a profession out there that I have been honoured to be a part of for the last eleven years. A group of very special men and women who put their own lives and problems on hold to provide assistance to those in times of distress. They offer calmness in a time of chaos. They are emergency services communicators, more commonly known as 911 operators or dispatchers.
A very special group of people indeed. They deal with incredibly tense situations and usually don't get to know the outcome. They genuinely care about others and do whatever they can to help.
Sometimes they care too much and the stress and strain become too much to bear.
That is where I find myself today. I can no longer provide the calm, caring voice people need at such times. I care too much.
So it is with sadness in my heart I am saying 10-7.
To all my fellow radio room persons I say "see ya, take care, thanks for all the laughs, it's been a slice!"
To the officers I got to know and care about I say " stay safe, look out for each other, I am going to miss each and every one of you"
To everyone else I say "remember the person on the other end of the phone or the officer at your door is there to help you, appreciate them"
this control is 10-7
A very special group of people indeed. They deal with incredibly tense situations and usually don't get to know the outcome. They genuinely care about others and do whatever they can to help.
Sometimes they care too much and the stress and strain become too much to bear.
That is where I find myself today. I can no longer provide the calm, caring voice people need at such times. I care too much.
So it is with sadness in my heart I am saying 10-7.
To all my fellow radio room persons I say "see ya, take care, thanks for all the laughs, it's been a slice!"
To the officers I got to know and care about I say " stay safe, look out for each other, I am going to miss each and every one of you"
To everyone else I say "remember the person on the other end of the phone or the officer at your door is there to help you, appreciate them"
this control is 10-7
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